"Come on, hurry up! we haven't got all day," my mam shouted up the stairs for the third time, she is always on the go. I never saw her resting or having time to herself.
I look at my mother and see how amazing she is. She never stops and her mother before her. Mary Purcell born in limerick then moved to Wexford to marry James Kehoe went on to have 18 kids, and work on the farm, she was the most amazing brown bread baker ever. The one where your mouth waters every time you think of it. We still don't know if anyone has the secret recipe to her famous brown bread, although I'm sure one of my aunties swears she has it, but I still think it's not as good as my granny's lol... she never stopped. Mary had a sense of humour, such a great character and fascinating woman to look up too... I look up to these women so much in awe of their hard work. So, I just presumed that's what we all have to do.
I have two kids, one with special needs, a husband, a home and a small yard with horses, dogs, chickens, a donkey and a sheep. I work away selflessly to make everyone happy, and then I am happy, right? I was always fighting for time to get out to "have fun" on my horse, which turned out not to be, trying to squeeze in 20 mins here or there for the horse to learn something for the next time I'm up with him. It turned out to be just stressful as I was under a time limit with a young horse, to get back and make the dinner. Because I "didn't work" I felt my time wasn't valuable.
I'm a housewife, sure I don't work, I just stay at home and mind the kids, I felt society cave in on me every time someone asked that dreaded question "what do you do"?? And then I get the answer: oh right", the look of, well what do you do all day 🤔. I always felt there was a stigma that came with being a stay-at-home mother., that we do 'nothing', so I felt I was invaluable.
I began to think there has to be an easier way than this.
I talked to my sister, and she helped me come round to the idea of talking to someone in the therapy sense that would help me get the answer to this. Here I learned what rest and self-love is, it's not selfish, it's actually learning to look after yourself so in turn I have enough left to look after others and have a clearer head, the best thing I've spent money on, learning to understand myself more and more life just got better and easier, I was shocked when the light bulb moment arrived, but also so so happy.
I learned what I was doing was conditioned into me, there was no self-love, rest, listening to my body or feelings. I was in survival mode. I learned there is more to life than what I was doing. Running on low, not charging my battery, filling my cup last. I don't blame anyone or anything, I'm just so glad I went to talk to someone. We are strong independent women, yes, we are indeed, but sometimes we need an ear to listen and find ourselves again in all the madness of life. I wake up every morning grateful to be alive and grateful for everyone and everything in my life.
So, to whoever is taking the time to read this, don't be afraid to talk, speak to someone, you never know who might feel the same as you and this means you are helping someone to help themselves. You are not alone in this; I promise you, take some time to yourself, have a coffee in peace, take a bath, eat your favourite meal alone or in company, do some of the things you love. After all, life is for living. Give that inner child something to play with once again... be you!