I have reached the age of 'The Pull' - The time in life where children are grown up and independent. However, they still need me but in different ways. Meanwhile parents are older and need us more.
I lost my Dad in 2019, which was a bolt out of the blue and totally unexpected. He was 70 and still running his All Trades Contractor business. We weren't expecting it at all! It was utterly heartbreaking and it slammed me into the stark reality that I was entering the age of the "look up to's!".
I still find myself considering what job I'll do 'when I grow up', so suddenly having my bubble popped and the reality that I'm no longer in my carefree youth, was hard to accept.
In the mix of being in the emotional pull between children and parents, there is a distinct lack of energy - brought on by still working full time and the joy of partying hormones! My body now makes more noise than a one man band and it won't surprise me if one day it starts dishing out reversing beeps as I negotiate my way around....maybe it'll just be wind!
Getting up from the settee after watching a movie, my legs crack like glow sticks. Meanwhile my mind overthinks everything! Did I spend enough time chatting to my boys? Do my in-laws or Mum need anything during a snowy day? Did I pass on to the parents of a pupil at work, that tomorrow is 'dress-down day'? Did I remember to order more joint suppliments for the older ponies? DID I SHUT THE FIELD GATE?!!!! Brain is doing a merry dance and body wishing it could!
But this age of being pulled in all directions - having one eye on offspring, one eye on parents and being cross-eyed about everything in between, isn't all bad.
There comes a liberation. A slightly rebelious feeling of not really having the energy to be so bothered about other people and their opinions. A quiet self belief and awareness of what really matters. I need, personally, to rediscover a level of fitness and address some healthier choices. I want to get back to riding again, but if I enter the field with a saddle just now, the ponies will run a mile!
So, to be in a better position with my weight and fitness I need to somehow prioritise some time to focus on myself....strange and long forgotten territory!
But at this stage of 'The Pull' between the generations, it's imperative that we look after ourselves and allow ourselves time to rest, restore and be powered up so we have what it takes to be there for everyone. We too are part of the 'everyone' and we matter.