An open letter to Grief

An open letter to Grief

Dear Grief,

It has been 2 years today since my friend passed away, the 7th of April 2021. Every year I feel guilty, I want to talk about her; I want to tell everyone about her, but I feel I am making it about me. Then I feel guilty for even thinking about being guilty- it's silly I know.

She was a force of nature; she was someone that I met in my late teens and she overhauled my self confidence. She had more sass and personality in her little finger than I think most people possess in their whole body. She had an amazing laugh, the most AMAZING sense of style, she was fierce and loyal, and totally an utterly hilarious, and it just isn't fair.

She wasn't horsey, her nephew rode though, and I know Equitas is for Equestrians, but for me she embodied it. She scooped me up after more than one bad break up and make me, almost forceable at times, see my own self worth again. I don't speak to my own half sister, but if I could have chosen a big sister, it would have been her.

She was just a superhero in my eyes; she made people better just by being around them.

I will tell my daughter about her, and any other kids we have. She saw me when I was pregnant, but we were the kinda friends we loved each other but we were terrible at meeting up. I'm not going to be cliche and say I regretted not seeing her one last time, not because I don't, but I understand that we both had
lifes, busy, blessed, stressful lifes.

She knew she was going to die, and without saying it in so many words we said goodbye and I don't think I have ever been so scared to lose a message.

If I become half of the mum, woman or friend that she was, I'll have made it.

Creina, Thank you for calling me Ray, for making me buy those damn Khaki shorts and for giving me the priceless gift of knowing my worth. Love you always chikka

Rachel MacKenzie

Rachel MacKenzie

I am Scottish, an equestrian, and a German Shephered owner. Wife to Dave, and Mum to Jess. I juggle working full time, being a Mum and having my 2 horses, Dougal and Gem.